I don’t know if it’s the Scorpion season flearing up something fierce within me, or the Fire Ant card turns out to be on f*cking point this month. But the last week I’ve been flying of the handle at numerous occations. Beware, Angry Fox at the keys!
My frustrations are not solved by gracefully moving away from the aggrivation. This past weeks it seems impossible to manage my emotions, in particular my anger. Just today instead of getting in a Whatsapp catfight I hit the phone icon. I never call unless I really have to and I was ready to calmly express my dismay. I failed. Gloriously.
I did not collect my thoughts I just spat them out. Interrupting my aggressor, raising my voice but not swearing, and finally promising to do one final thing for her to than not speak to her again. Ever again if it is up to me. It took me two hours to calm down again and it took great effort.
Now, to provide some context I’m actually a very chill chick, I understand other peoples frustrations, I’m down with holding space if needed and I pretty much live by the mantra that nothing is personal. Yes, I can be a right pain in the bum with my wicked sense of humour and stubbornness to a fault, but otherwise pretty damn delightful. If I do say so myself.
I find myself unable to rationalize the petty things lately. Even getting mad about my comments being erased from a friendly (because no swearing and respectful language) discussion on Instagram. That pissed me right off and made me go through my list of accounts and unfollow all the ones that didn’t resonate with me anymore. Starting off with the one that set this mental sh*t storm in motion.
But after my sad excuse for a phonecall I realized that losing control, however messy and awkward, is necessary to have some insights. To move outside of that proverbial box and establish a solide connection to what drives us.
And this is where anger serves us
Having my comments removed made me feel angry because, quiet literally my voice, my opinion was taken away. Getting angry about it was my que that this subject was important to me. Being heard and inviting people to think about what they say is important to me. When I’m being dismissed my anger let’s me know that I care about my voice.
And after hanging up the phone today I found that when someone is not considerate of my time and pushes their own agenda I start raising my voice. To make myself be heard. I interrupt when I do no longer want to hear any more empty arguments. My time is precious and anyone acting like it isn’t gets their name written in bold on my FU list.
What sets me off is where I need to send love. What sets me off is where I need to make changes. Anger has a bad rep because it is loud at times, unpleasant and awkward. But it is necessary to spring into action. To make us feel what needs to be released or what needs to be strengthened. Anger is fire that burns away what we no longer need and leaves us with a clean slate.
Sometimes it helps to burn bridges before you build a new one.
So thanks for pissing me off
Thank you for pissing me off and making me feel where I should have set my boundaries. Thank you for aggrivating me into seeing what is important to me. And no, I’m not getting back to thank my teachers because they pissed me off.
But they are more then welcome to read my blog instead.
* Photo’s in this post are from Death to the Stock Photo