After a week of moving and shaking there is a 90% chance I’ll be spending the weekend at home, in bed and without my phone at hand. Cut off, in blissfull silence doing nothing but recharging my body. And I used to hate it!
Like I said before, I’m my own worst critic and unsupportive nagger. Because I found it a massive waste of time to be in bed in the middle of the day, there were blogs to be written, walks to be made and many things to be done.
B*tch please! And this is why I cut myself some slack.
Instead of being my own bully I started to let go of my own expectations and pay attention to what I needed. This slowly happened when I was fighting a headache yet again and allowed myself to lie down. And then the realization came that it had been building up all along and I just needed to let it be.
Know when you have to take it slow
At first I didn’t recognize the pattern leading up to myself being unwell and drained. I was just doing my thing, working, going to meetings, seeing my friends, taking care of the little one. But every once in a while I felt off, just under the weather or tired beyond sleepy. So I had to call in sick, cancel any fun plans I had and feel like a lousy wife and mama because I just wanted to be in bed.
And then the frustration sets in. I pop painkillers and refrain from much needed rest while I try to move on like all is peachy. But after a day spend in total denail I need more time to collect myself. Leading me to experience another day feeling like a deflated balloon. Slowly it started to dawn on me that this state of being occured after certain events. When I’ve been traveling (driving a lot), when I’ve had a lot of social engagements and the kicker: when change is coming.
Surrender to the ebb and flow
So after a week of shifts happening and a wonderful social gathering, attended with a surpressed headache it was no surprise I woke up feeling like absolute sh*t on Saturday. After feeding the little one and staring at the wall for a bit I gave myself permission to just go back to bed. I’m lucky that my girl doesn’t really protest when I put her back in her bed, so I could catch a few more hours of sleep.
For the rest of the day all plans we had were binned because the tiredness wouldn’t budge. And I was fine with it, it was weekend after all and I hadn’t binged on Netflix in ages. So the hubby watched the little one as I doozed off on the coutch and later decided to go back to bed again. Instead of feeling guilty I took this time to actually rest and clear my mind. There was nothing else I could do to make myself feel better and recharge, so I threw my hands up and surrendered to my current ebb situation.
All charged up & go!
The most beautiful thing is that after surrendering a new surge of energy follows. I’ve taken the time to recharge the first time around, without depleting myself even more. Which means that instead of two to three days I’m up and going after one day. And that feels so good! The blogs are written, the groceries done and that walk will happen some other time next week. I did as much as I was able to do and I did so wholeheartedly. No frustration, no aching body but with focus and love.
To close out the week I pulled a card from my Mary-El Tarot and the 4 of Cups made it’s appearance. Seeing the water gently flowing over the rock made me feel that I’ve made the right call in surrendering to my tiredness. Instead of smashing against the rock like the wave does in full force, disappearing in the process and feeling worse for it.
It’s all about honoring your very own ebb and flow. Knowing when to go full speed ahead and when you’re cup is literally full or overflown. And allowing yourself the time to recover, replenish and recharge. It has taken me such a long time to realize my own cycle but now that I am aware I intend to honor it from now on.
I know now which events, as cool as they are, need to be thouroughly processed mentally and physically before I can go back to business as usual. I’m not fully admitting to being a high sensitive person but I’m no longer standing in my own way. I’m cutting myself some slack from now on, how about you?